Never communicate again, except by leaving video messages
In a dim and distant part of history, phones would ring and people would answer. It’s quite the revolutionary concept, when you think about it. Gradually, humans ruined everything, as ever, spamming people with calls they didn’t want to receive. Answering machines provided a barrier. People would routinely screen calls, to figure out if they were worth bothering with. It was so effective some folks would ignore every call and deal with messages later.
Mobile played out a similar game, only with the added advantage that the number – and, potentially, name – of whoever was calling would flash up on the screen, so you could make a judgement call on whether you fancied talking to them. And now FaceTime is getting in on the act.
Until now, FaceTime has been like a halfway house between ancient telephones and more modern mobiles. An incoming call will alert you to who wants to chat, letting you decide in the moment whether you can – or want to – reciprocate. But on turning someone down, that was always that. Not anymore. Apple’s decided FaceTime needs its own voicemail-like system.
Later this year, you’ll be able to call and leave an audio or video message, even including all the daft gestural effects that can be triggered with your hands. Various lighting options will be available too as you set yourself up for disappointment now everyone knows they can avoid having to actually talk to someone on FaceTime and instead just watch a recorded message later.
Give it a few years and the app will have to be called NoFaceToFaceTime as Apple grapples with having provided people with the means to never talk to each other again. Still, at least you’ll be able to make a shiny personalized Contact Poster, which will display on someone’s screen when they once again decide they’d sooner not talk and instead (maybe) watch your message at some random point in the future.
Progress!