Game

As a platform-puzzle game, Cute Things Dying Violently doesn’t break any conventions of the genre. Except one…

Price: $0.99 / £0.79
Version: 1.0
Size: 82.1 MB
Developer: Alexander Jordan

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At its (exposed) heart, CTDV is your standard fare – cuddly characters that make sounds that are both indecipherable, but at the same time unequivocally endearing. The idea is not dissimilar to Angry Birds, and involves slingshotting these characters into objects in order to complete a level. But instead of slingshotting into pigs, you’ve got to fire them into a waiting elevator. In fact, the bad guy in CTDV if compared to the pigs in Angry Birds is actually rarely seen – cropping up as a boss at the end of each set of eight levels – but his presence is felt always, in the turning nuts and bolts of the real obstacles. Massive, moving, buzzsaws.

Simply take aim in order to help the critters reach the elevator

Simply take aim in order to help the critters reach the elevator

These saws will slice and dice your little cute things indiscriminately as it tries to prevent you from saving their little critter hearts. Each level starts with these things bumbling about various platforms. You can move them into position by tapping on them, this will freeze them, and you can then slide them around. To fire, double tap on them, and then move your finger around to aim on a trajectory.

The harder levels can sometimes get a little messy...

The harder levels can sometimes get a little messy…

As the levels get harder, new elements are introduced. Eventually the player has to bounce the critters off walls, deal with moving sharp objects, and also require the playing around with buttons, boxes and springs. There’s a whole bunch of gameplay packed into the game, and it’s surprisingly fun working out how to move the objects in the same ways as the critters in order to allow them to bounce off of them to safety. Considering this game could be seen as playing off of a sole and simple gimmick, the game play is surprisingly attentive.

At the end of each stage there is a boss level. They're not too difficult but it mixes up the action a little

At the end of each stage there is a boss level. They’re not too difficult but it mixes up the action a little

Of course, that’s not to say the majority of sales won’t come from those entirely sick of the lack of blood spraying out of the severed head of a little purple sphere like Tarantino had decided to branch out and direct Angry Birds 3, because they surely will. So if you took this element out of the game, would it stand up on its own? Yes and no. The game looks like it could be any other iOS puzzle-platform. It’s brightly lit, each level takes place on one screen, and new obstacles are added as the player progresses. On the other hand, the attention to detail is as good, if not better than those other games.

The levels get progressively more puzzle-some as you continue through the game

The levels get progressively more puzzle-some as you continue through the game

Really, the violence isn’t so bad, at least the object is to prevent it rather than go out and cause it like the Grand Theft Autos of this world, so it’s unlikely to satisfy the kind of player with a higher than average bloodlust. What we’re left with is a competent game, loyal to its genre’s tropes, with a good handful of hours full of fun game play. If you completed Angry Birds 2 already and have room in your life for another game like this, then by all means, have at it.

Review: Cute Things Dying Violently – blood-soaked puzzle-platformer
A great little puzzle-platform game with more than your average amount of personality
For
  • It's self-aware and funny
  • Controls are slick and easy to get to grips with
Against
  • There's not a lot that sets it apart from its contemporaries
3.5Overall Score